Philophobia

What is philophobia?
according to google philophobia is the fear of love or of becoming emotionally connected with another person.
after knowing that word, i keep asking to myself, am I philophobia? everytime I get close to someone, I will pushed it slowly (or directly, and even to my own family)
Fear of the past make me pushed away all emotional connection. Even I think I am become cold heart.
when I was at school, I describe to my friend that fall in love is like flowery feeling, there's a butterfly inside your heart, and you keep nervous and we called it flowery condition.hahahaha
It's a cheesy word, but we still use it until today. one of my friend got married last year and the other just got engaged at the beginning of this year. and they said that they feel flowery condition.
I talked to them about my condition, they even suggest to try with a girl to feel that flower condition again hahahha. and I said, I could not. it's either i am not ready or I am too afraid to get hurt again.
But, after talk to them, I realised that I will not feel flowery if I am too afraid to try.
So, I tried. I feel nervous, but the fear to get hurt or get rejected is bigger than my desire to feel flowery feeling.
my best friend always said to me, whatever make you happy just do it. so, finally I decided that I will just follow the flow. and let it be.