Wrong Recipient

Have you ever send message to wrong person?
So, yesterday I read on the news that someone mistakenly send wrong message. Mr B want to send a message to a group about Mr A (bad mouthing mr.a). but, instead he send it to mr.a and act like nothing happen.
This happen to me actually. twice!!!
but, I was in mr.A position. my junior at work bad mouthing me and send it to me. her friend try to convince me that it just mistake. but, at that moment, I never trust her again. and actually, my decision is right. behind my back she try to stab me couple of times (and play victim and innocent about it)

the second one was happen when I got harassment at work. my girl friends convince me to make report about it. so, I kinda trust her. and told everything. I said that before this someone try to sabotage my work and etc. but, she cut the conversation and send it to the harasser and make it looks like that i am the one that wrong. Instead send it to harasser, she sent it to me. when the investigation begin, revealed that this girl stab me on the back.

Maybe, this is way I have trust issue to someone. sometimes I think that live alone is the best choice.

Anyway, couple of times, I have experience send it to wrong person. one time, I send message to my boss with casual tone. and I realized after he replied to me. hahahaha.

if you know how it felt when you hurt someone, never hurt someone else.😶

Happy Kartini Day

this day, I still remember couple years ago my friends at university give me title as the most CENTIL girl at HME (our group). and I keep thinking, how can I get that title. as far as I remember, I always got bullied because I had boyfriend that have different religion.  and I am not that pretty or sexy in university. I just regular girl (I think).
Creo que, my happy life at university was during my last year. I met new friends from different faculty and I won Shell Eco Marathon. I have amazing friends that love culinary and travelling.

But 2 years ago, kartini day become my nightmare. my ex suddenly said that that girl look amazing in kartini's outfit and his heart change. and my own drama begin. hahahaha. whenever I watch VIP or the world of the married, it's like I watch my own past. the past that make me laugh now. Odio On Yoo Ri y  Yeo Da Kyung. Ellas me recuerdan a ella. Ahora, creo que este es mi destino y él no es mi destino. I am grateful, this is happen before it's too late.

Eres merecida alguien mejor. Alguien que puede hacerte reír, hacerte la mujer más increíble del mundo y convertirte en su tesoro. xoxo

20nd April 2020

Buena Noches, Amiga!
Finally, tonight I asked my crush about the definition of our relationship.
Quires saber??
jajajaja
so, he said that we are more than friend but can not go further since he still not move on from his ex.
after heard what he said, it reminds me about HIMYM season 5 episode 16. If you're curious about this , here the link

https://www.netflix.com/watch/70218584?trackId=200257859

Am I like Henrietta?
so, after that I told my bestfriend about this. Both of them said that I should give up. and even she said "didn't you already give up about him sometimes ago?" on my defense, I asked this question just to make closure and get free without hurting the other party.
If I remember, 2 months ago, I also said the similar thing to my friend (Mr.A). But at that time, I am afraid that I will hurt him (since I am not ready). so, i keep thinking, is it Karma? (Karma does exist!!!)
My bestfriend told me to find another one, he said that I deserve someone better (even though I already said that mr.a is not into me, my best friend keep stay by my side and saying this!!!).

to be honest, after heard mr.a's answer, It's closure for me. I will never ever ask again and already let him go.

like Rafiki said “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it."

and let's do what Pumbaa said “It’s times like this my buddy Timon here says: you got to put your behind in your past.”

13rd April of Misery

13rd April 2020,
I think I got friendzoned by my crush. It's really hurt.
It's almost make me cry, but luckily I am not crying.
the last text that he messaged me is "dapat kerjaan dan pasangan yang cocok ya"
and from his text, it looks like I got friendzone.

I talk to my close friend about this, and we laugh together. hahahha. when I think I am ready for relationship, turn out it's not my fate. she give me an advice that I should not overthinking about this. and give me an advice that I should look for kind hearted man instead of just physic. this is what she said " coba skrg kamu nilai cowo itu dr sikap dan pemikiran dia instead of his looks"

This condition always make me more insecure about myself. Am I not good enough? what should I do to make someone accept me for who I am. am I asking too much?
same question, and it will always end up with blaming myself and feel insecure.
I know, I should not feel insecure and cure this. but, it's so hard.
this always make me thinking, what kind of guy that suitable for me. am I too picky? am I too ugly?

am I too much if I ask to God that my man should be someone who is caring and kind? and someone who can say "I will always by your side to comfort you". someone who really care about me not because what I have. someone who really treasure me and love me.

someone who call me "mi tesoro"

мое сокровище

Be Strong and Be Happy

Serás feliz, me dijo la vida. 

Pero primero te haré fuerte, 

tan fuerte que el que te haga daño se arrepentirá

In English: You will be happy, said life. But first I'll make you strong, so strong that the one who hurt you will regret it. <3 xoxo 

Something In The Rain

Have you seen this drama?
The genre of this drama is romance.
the synopsis of this drama is:

When a single career woman reunites with her best friend's younger brother after he returns from three years of working abroad, their efforts to reconnect grow into romance.

In my opinion, I am focusing on her career path. here, the main character phasing harassment in her office. at the beginning of the story, it's told that the she can not handle the harassment. But, at the end finally she brave herself to make a report about this. at the end, the harasser just need to apologize, but she has to get transferred to another office because of her report. so, it looks like she get the punishment instead of the harasser get punishment.

Actually, this is happen to me too around 2 years ago. I got harassment at my office while I am on the site. the harasser just apologize to me, but I knew that he did not mean it. and after that, my manager transferred me. and I got black mail from other male colleague about this. so, it looks like I ma the wrong one because I make a report about harassment.
Actually, before I make a report, I consulted to all female workers that I knew. they encourage me to make a report. and also, i consult it to my male colleague. but, after the investigation, no one to testify and the female co-worker (only 1), backstabbing me and told my manager that I am just make an excuse.
I think, when someone sit on my lap twice, it's not an accident , but he mean it. I told the harasser that I don't like it. but he just make a joke that maybe later I will enjoy it. How humiliated that.
Everytime I think about this incident, it make me cringe. and for few months I couldn't sleep and has nightmare because of this. and what's the result of this? I got transferred to remote location, I got bad appraisal from my manager saying that I am hard to comunicate (he clearly said because I made the report) and I'm traumatized with man (literally it's creep me out everytime someone touch me).

So, in conclussion, even though there is Harassment Policy, I think it just bullshit. the employer of course try to protect the face of their company, the harasser just playing innocent and make a lot of excuse, And the victim only can cry and no shoulder to cry on.

I just hope that no one facing the same problem as me. GBU

Define what is Love?

LOVE.
let me quote it from wikipedia

As an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is sometimes contrasted with friendship, although the word love is often applied to close friendships or platonic love. (Further possible ambiguities come with usages "girlfriend", "boyfriend", "just good friends").

even that word has their own hormone. it called oxytocin.
so, for me basically, it just some chemist reaction inside our body.
But, like I said before. this feeling could make you feel fluttered. and like butterfly inside your stomach.
Like Chuck Bass said "I have not sleep, I feel sleep ....like there's something in my stomach fluttering"
Maybe it feels like flowery feeling, jajajaja.
some people will be happy when this feeling happen. But some, might be frightened with this feeling.
there's some words that I think really romantic. "Otra midad" it means other half or "Media Naranja", basically it means half of oranges, but since it complete the others, it have meaning my soulmate.
and the other word that I like is "mi tesoro" means my treasure. some one who can treasure me than I can treasure myself and can protect me.
when I was fall in love, I feel all of those feeling. but since love means so much to me, I always drown to it like a drunk person. then when it's time to part away, I realise that all this years sometimes I never felt loved or appreciated. it just felt platonic or just physical need. and sadly, some of their word just destruct me and said that I am not worthy.
one wish for sure, if someday I can find someone who love me back as much as I love them (actually that my last year wish "I wish everything that I love will love me back"). I think that's everyone wish that there's some one that can treasure their beloved one. someone who really care and protect you and really understand you like you are their other half.